new blog

i'm movin' on up. 

new blog=mariahogan.blogspot.com

huge thunderstorm outside right now. 

i think how most people feel when the sun comes out is how i feel when it starts to rain.

i just love it. 

i am so, so close to being down with school and this never ending fashion project, but before it all comes to end, i thought i would show you just a little of what I have been working on:

my six illustrations

cutting out a million pattern pieces

one of the six dresses that i'm finishing up

i'm getting really excited to have a finished product and move on to the next thing. 

yeah know, like a wedding or something. 

what a hunk.

46 days

okay, lauren just linked up my blog in one of her posts and I got a little embarrassed that I had nothing new. so, in honor of her bridesmaid dress search, I thought I would put a little something together.

a maria and jared wedding board.

and a quick home stretch countdown...

5 days until Allie’s Bridal Shower.

10 days until my final critique. amen.

17 days until Lauren's birthday.

18 days until the Jury Show.

and 18 days until Charleston trip for Emily’s graduation.

25 days until the Fashion Show.

32 days until my savannah bridal shower.

37 days until jared’s movie premiere.

39 days until my graduation.

46 days until the wedding!!!

47 days until my mystery honeymoon!!!

WOO HOOO!!!

two blogs in two weeks

watch out, i just might become a regular. 

i kind of have a confession to make. i think maybe i just have had a really hard time blogging, because i am just not really sure how to do it anymore. 

just bear with me here. 

i've had two different types of blogs, one, from two summers ago when everything i wrote was deeply insightful and reflective and now, where i just post some pictures once every few months and it seems a little pointless. 

i'm not really sure how to find the in between and to tell the truth its a little discouraging to read old blogs where it seems like every day i had made new discoveries, grown in different ways, or had some wonderful revelation. although i'm not saying  it wasn't authentic or true to where i was at the time, i just think the perspective that i have and the person that i am is a lot different now. 

let me explain. jared set up a blog for me at the end of the school year, two years ago, right before i flew off to france. it was so i could write about what was going on there and also so i could join him in the blog world. it just so happened, though, that we broke up that next week, the same week that i ended up in a tiny, remote French town, secluded, virtually away from all comfort of family and friends, and left with nothing but time for reflecting. it was great and hard and completely Hosea 2 coming alive for me, but it is such a different life than my life right now. not any bit better, just different. i think i forget that when i read over those blogs sometimes. 

i forget that, because sometimes i wonder why i don't write so regularly and freely as i used to and why i don't always have wise and profound things pouring out of me. 

france and the rest of the time that jared and i were apart seemed like it was a time when i was making huge leaps and bounds in growth. and while there was, and i would never discredit or dishonor the God who drew that out of me, i just don't think i really had any test of that growth in the middle of it. 

my time was for me. all reflection was on my relationship with God and me. all thoughts were on me and my growth with God. and oh, how He knew I needed that then, but that's just sort of where it stayed, me and Him, me and Him, me and Him. 

i didn't really have many relationships that needed time and love and attention,

i didn't really have much work and school that made me budget out my time. 

i had hardly no commitments that required anything from me. 

although that time is so precious to me and was so needed, it was sort of a selfish time. 

it's just so funny how much more honest ( and therefore not as wonderful and holy ) my perspective of my self is with jared. 

that time when i was alone didn't make me think i was perfect, but as soon as i learned something i checked it off the list and moved on. got one lesson down, moving on to the next, and so on and so on and so on. 

i didn't have someone there that let me know maybe i didn't really have that lesson down as well as i thought, because they could see the ways in which things weren't changing.

i didn't have someone that let me know that they got hurt when i sinned against them the say way the next day and the next day and the next day. 

i didn't have someone that called my bs when i pretended that i had mastered a certain wound, or sin, or was free of all shortcomings. 

and yeah, its not fun to fight about things, but i will only always agree with myself.  i'm never going to argue and fully challenge myself to think about something truthfully on my own. 

and yeah, it's nice to have a holy, wonderful, do-no-wrong perspective of myself, but that is so far from the truth. and teaches me nothing about of my real, deep need for a Savior. 

so sometimes, its hard for me to write, but sometimes, i just need to learn that being in a relationship, and very soon entering into a marriage, means that while there still may be times of fast, rapid growth, a lot of it is hard and slow and takes trying fresh every new day. 

so for me, and for you, too, jared, know this. 

i may not spend whole days sitting and reflecting at home or reading my bible at the park or writing about huge, wonderful revelations...

but know this, its the days spent with you, the conversations we have, the things we have to work through that draw me closer to holiness than any of that. 

its working through the sin and selfishness that we both have that makes it so much more hard and so much more real and so much more worth it. 

i just love you a lot. 

just because you keep harassing me to write a new blog. 

i am unoffically done with school for this quarter. i had my last critique for this quarter and i now have two weeks of done time. i have so been looking forward to this. there hasn't been much of a balance lately with school life and real life, so i am excited to have a little breather. 

jared has his bachelor party tonight. they are having it early, because chris will be in france next quarter and he didn't want him to miss out. they are playing four square and dodgeball all night and i can't even tell you how excited he is. 

i don't watch movie a whole lot (much to jared's dismay), but i decided tonight was a movie/ couch/ catching up on email night, so i am watching "a good year.' nothing special, but its filmed in the same town in france that i spent a few summer ago in. it's weird to watch a movie filmed in another country and recognize the streets they walk down. i always tell jared that we are old and have a town of extra cash laying around (...right), i am going to take him there, because it's the prettiest place in the world. although sort of a big dream, i will get back there one day.

the fact that jared and i are getting married three months from today is becoming really real now. we've got a lot of things done, but we still have a lot more to do, so that's what i am doing next. 

three freaking months

house of love and marriage

it's official. our house is now bursting with love and marriage. my beautiful roommate, allie,

got engaged last night, which means our house is going to be a little wedding factory. zach flew in last night and i told allie that we were going to go on a little date that included dinner and a movie.  I had to walk her a little out of the way of the restaurant to get the church where zach was waiting, and unfortunately allie is pretty darn good with directions, so she literally stood in the middle of the street as i tried to tell her the restaurant was in the opposite way. Finally she caught a glimpse of zach standing up there and and ran over there, but for a few moments, i thought i might have to drag her by the hand in that direction. 

better than that thought, was the night before they got engaged when zach accidentally texted to allie a message meant to go to a friend, that said he was going to surprise allie the next night. zach called me in a panic and in turn called jared in a panic. luckily, by some true divine arrangement, allie was at the gym with all her stuff in a locker. so since i was too far away, jared came to the rescue and here's the next sequence of events: called jared in a panic, he snuck into the gym, went through every locker as he creeped out all the people there, called me to tell me how sketchy he looked and he couldn't find it, when he couldn't find it hid behind a wall and called one of the staff over, had them buzz leah, a teammate allie was working out with, hid behind the wall still and told leah to get allie's phone, got allie's phone and deleted all

her text messages, put phone back and left victorious, without allie knowing a thing. 

how impressive is that? 

speaking of my handsome fiance i thought i would tell you some other impressive things about him:

1. he dominates at dodgeball and foursquare. which is probably why he wants to have a huge tournament for his bachelor party. 

here's some proof:

2. he is the absolutely the most creative person ever. in just about everything he does. whether its film, music choices, gift ideas, date nights, our engagement, pretty much anything. oh yeah, and in clothing choice. 

okay, so maybe this was for a younglife valentine's day party. but come on, who else could pull this off?

3. he's an eternal optimist, sometimes frustratingly so, since i can sometimes be much more pessimistic, but i love it. he's just a really big dreamer and doesn't limit his dreams for himself or for us based on our own fears of limitations. 

4. he is the greatest encourager of me, my work, and my heart. i can be way too self critical and like any girl can believe a lot of lies about myself, but he always makes sure that i know that's not okay and always speaks the truth into where i am doubtful and really makes me believe it. 

5. he is more generous with his resources and stuff than anyone i know. who else buys and surprises their sister with a brand new computer in the mail? even if she is the greatest sister ever.

6. he makes the best sandwiches ever. 

7. and the most important, he is kind of a hottie.

i'll leave you with these (taken by the talented raychel mendez):

Congratulations Zach and Allie!!!! I love you and couldn't be more happy to do this alongside anyone else.